WEEK 71~~

My week was really quite stressful mom. I feel like sometimes I am pushing against a brick wall just hoping that it will move but it never does. It sucked because we had more than 20 people in the zone with baptismal dates Saturday, but they keep falling and like people don't work, its just stressful because I don't know what to do with the elders sometimes. The thing is that I have noticed how the number of baptisms has kept going down since President Cordova has got here. I noticed that generally people had better results when they just got mad at the elders and yelled at them until they baptized. After Sunday went poorly I lost my patience with one elder who lets just say is less than obedient and less than diligent, and just let him have it. It neither made me feel better nor do I truly believe that the conditions will improve based on what I did. Furthermore I feel that it had the negative result of hurting my trust with the elder. I was feeling guilty about the zone so I decided to call him about my doubts. He responded to me that the secret was to do 3 less active lessons and 10 contacts everyday, if we do it, we will have success. This is the same thing we have always been told, but he said it with such certainty and I felt the spirit testify to me that what he said was true. He told me how happy he was with what I was doing, how the Stake President was so happy with how we were helping with the less actives and how he just wanted me to be patient and the results would come. I knew he was right, I knew I should never chew anyone out again. I really hurt inside for what I did. It was honestly so hard, but I know what to do now. I love the atonement of Jesus Christ. I love how I can become clean. Mom if it weren't for him, for what I did, I would be unworthy to enter into the presence of God. I would be forever cast off from his presence. How terrible it would be without him. I know that through the spirit we can feel better. I love and treasure him.

That being said, I am grateful for the chance to feel stressed and learn here as a missionary. What a gift it is to be able to learn how to lead in the Lords way. What a gift it is to be able to face challenges and difficulties in so many different ways. Trying to get the spirit, trying to get revelation, trying to get results, trying to build up our ward, it is honestly so difficult.

I did have an honestly interesting experience. There is a woman who had a sealed family. The father began by cheating on her, and continues to this day. The 3 daughters have slowly but surely fallen away from the church. They have slowly but surely given up their blessings and have fallen away. 1 never got a testimony, 1 was a seminary teacher for years, but just never seemed to find her husband and decided to live with a man who was not divorced, and 1 believes she is happier without the church. There is another family with a daughter that is thoroughly hurt by the fact that no one cares about her in the church, and feels that there is no one there that loves her. She therefore no longer goes, and has taken her children and husband with her, one of whom is almost at mission age. I don't know, but I feel these families. First off, how important is for a parent to put a good example. IF a parent falls, the children must try and swim with a mill stone around their neck. Second, how important are home and visiting teachers, as well as all of the leadership, they dont know how much they help. I don't know what will happen, but I am going to give everything to help them, I want to rescue these families.

I am impressed by general conference, especially Elder Eyring, I need to listen more to the spirit, and am focusing on that. I love you very much mother, I am sorry to hear about your difficulties, but as LEhi said to his son jacob, the Lord will consecrates thy afflictions for thy gain. I love you.

KEVIN